


Mr. Brightside

by rockinthebeastmode



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 02:32:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16864528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockinthebeastmode/pseuds/rockinthebeastmode
Summary: Finn tries to move forward with Rae. Follows S2, Eps 4+5. Based on Mr. Brightside by the Killers.





	Mr. Brightside

It had been weeks of no contact and I finally was starting to feel like I could be around her again. I still loved her, no doubt about that. But I couldn’t stand not having her around me, or the gang. She had become one of my best mates and even though I couldn’t touch her or kiss her like I really wanted, it was a price I was willing to pay.

I took a deep breath and shoved my sweaty hands in my pockets and attempted a nonchalant walk towards her. She inhaled sharply when she saw me and my heart jumped. I sat across from her, sitting back and avoiding her eyes.

“Do you want me to go?” she asked, quietly. My head snapped to her.

“Nah, don’t be silly,” I said, meeting her eyes for only a moment. I lost my nerve and looked towards the football field. She sighed and I gritted my teeth.  _Time to come out of your cage, Finny-boy._

“Look, I don’t like this. It’s ridiculous,” I bit out, without thinking. I paused a second before finishing.

“Can we be friends?”

Her face seemed to brighten and I felt short of breath as she answered and smiled at me. I sat beside her, smiling back.  _Yes._

*

“I’ll fight with you, Rae.”

I looked at Izzy as she spoke, trying to keep from staring at Rae.

“I don’t know how to do it, but I’ll try.”

“You know I’m there Raemundo. I’ll step in, she won’t touch ya,” Chop said from beside Izzy.

“Can’t hit a girl though,” I piped up, cradling my drink across my chest.

“Not saying I’m gonna hit her, I’m gonna put an end to that shit, we could all do it,” he answered. My eyes met Rae’s across the table and I tried to smile.

“What about next time though, when none of us are there? What’s gonna happen then?” Archie asserted. Rae buried her head in her arms.

“I’m gonna get murdered,” she said mournfully. Chloe came up seconds later and Rae took her aside. I went to take a gulp of my Fosters when I heard Chloe’s next words.

“Amy told me how you two keep going off together–”

My head snapped towards them but Chloe’s next words sounded muffled to my ears. I forced my gaze away from them.

“Alright, Finn?” Archie asked quietly. I sent him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

“I’m doing just fine, Arch.”

*

I offered to teach her self-defense. I had to do something, Archer was right–we couldn’t fight for her. Of course, I couldn’t help but ask about Liam. What the fuck did that tosser have that I didn’t?

So he’s a good laugh, into music, and cool. I had thought I was all those things. Turns out, I’m nothing but a grumpy sod.

Every attribute she listed about him was like a punch to the face. I’m not sure which hurt worse–her mooning over the guy or her literal punch to my mouth. Jesus, even when she’s hitting me, she’s amazing. It was worth it just to spend time with her at all.

Everything had been great in the summer and then college came and it all came tumbling down around me. How did it end up like this?

*

_“You looked good out there…proper manly.”_

_I barked out a laugh._

_“You say the weirdest stuff sometimes,” I chuckled. She turned to look at me in disbelief._

_“You do,” I affirmed, grinning widely. Worry flashed across her face._

_“You don’t think I’m weird though, do ya?” she asked quietly. I shook my head, smile faltering._

_“No,” I breathed, watching her. She started to speak again but all I could do was stare at her._

_“I don’t want you to think I’m weird,” **God, I love her voice,**  “by asking if you think I’m weird, by the way”  **And her mouth…** “I’m not paranoid about stuff like that”  **Oh, bollocks to it** “I’m not some kind of person–”_

_I surged forward and kissed her. Fucking finally. Why did I wait so bloody long? This was perfect._

*

I just needed to get some sleep. As much as I wanted to be with Rae, she was moving on and I was too. Olivia sounded like a nice bird, at least from what Chop’s older brother had told me. Older than what I was used to but I had to give it a go.

I tossed and turned but couldn’t stop thinking about it all. What if she lied when she said nothing was going on between them? What if they were together right at this moment?

What if they kissed and she grasped his shirt in her hand like she did mine, touched his chest and felt his heart pounding. What if he unbuttoned her top all the way, took off her skirt and leggings, seeing every perfect inch of skin–

I pinched my eyes closed, choking back bile and willing the images to disappear.  _Just go the fuck to sleep, Finn._

*

I barely slept the night, my dreams filled with Rae and Liam together with me powerless to stop it. I frantically lit up a cigarette and focused on walking to Main Street. It was finally Friday and I was due to meet Olivia at some posh Italian place. I turned a corner to take a bit of a short cut and came across a group of people I recognized from school.  _Oh shit, it’s the fight._

I didn’t know whether to step in or not. Rae could handle herself, couldn’t she? She’d proven that in spades with the hit she gave me. I touched my tongue to my slightly split lip and felt a surge of pride.  _That’s my girl._

I made my way around the group, staying near the trees. I was just about out of earshot when I heard Rae’s voice scream out. I glanced at my watch as I doubled back. I was already late, what’s a couple more minutes?

I stepped up behind the crowd, staying out of view.

“I’ve got something I need to tell you, and I didn’t want you to have to find out from me but…I need to tell you the truth,” Rae started, her voice wavering. My heart dropped at her words. What happened?

“Me and Liam,”  _No, don’t say it_ , “We kissed last night.”

Her words were worse than a punch. They were more like a freight train hitting me straight on. I stepped back and ran. I couldn’t let her see me break.

*

Over the next few weeks, I put all my effort into dating Olivia. If I could just focus on her, I wouldn’t be stuck on Rae as much. But as beautiful and funny and great as Olivia was, it just didn’t feel the same. Her kisses weren’t as soft. I felt like I’d crush her every time I pulled her close. The taste of Bailey’s was starting to make me ill. Still…I tried.

*

“Is your food alright?” Olivia asked, glancing at me curiously. I shrugged slightly, suddenly aware I was moving my food around my plate instead of eating.

“Yea, it’s fine,” I stated, putting my fork down and taking a swig of my Fosters. She raised a brow.

“Just fine?”

I tried not to roll my eyes and just sighed instead.

“I’m just not feeling Italian tonight,” I admitted.

“Wanna go down to the pub, then?”

I shook my head violently. It killed me being around Rae and Olivia simultaneously.

“No, let’s go back to yours,” I burst out.  _The fuck was I thinking?!_

“Okay!” she chirped, quickly waving for the check. She took my hand as we stood and left and my heart pounded harder the closer we got to her car.

Jesus, now she thought I just wanted to shag. Sure, I’d had sex before, but sex in any form didn’t appeal to me unless Rae was involved. Fat chance of that happening.

When we got to her flat, I tried to match her eager eyes, stretching a grin across my face. As soon as we cleared her front door, she was latched onto me. I responded seconds later, feeling almost like it wasn’t even me kissing her. Just some knobhead getting down his girlfriend while I was forced to watch it happen.

She whipped off her jacket and started to remove mine, pressing herself closer to me. I willed myself to feel something, bloody anything. She ran her hands down my chest to my waistband and I grabbed her hands without thinking. She pulled away.

“Something wrong?” she panted. I gasped out a laugh.

“No, ‘course not. Just need the toilet,” I said quickly, practically sprinting down to the end of the hall. I slammed the door behind me, running my hands through my hair. I stood in agonizing silence for a few moments before flushing the toilet and grasping the basin. I stared my reflection down in the mirror.

“ _What the fuck are you doing?!_ ” I grated out. I splashed some water on my face and took a deep breath.

“Right, Nelson. You’re a bloke. She’s gorgeous. She wants you.  _Just do it._ ”

I nodded to my reflection before rolling my eyes and turning to the door and walking out.

Olivia wasn’t in the entryway anymore but I heard soft music coming from a room to my right. Her bedroom. _Great_.

I steeled myself and entered the room, candles flickering from every surface. Olivia looked at me demurely from the foot of the bed. To my chagrin, she had changed into a silk nightdress that cut off too short for comfort. My own encouraging words flew out of my mind.

“I can’t do this,” I croaked. She crossed her arms with a sad smile.

“It’s Rae, isn’t it?”

“No, why would you think that?” I asked without thinking.  _Like it wasn’t painfully obvious I was still mooning over her._  She gave me a knowing look, moving to slide on her robe and turn the music off.

“I see the way you look at her. And the way she looks at you. There’s obviously something still there.”

I shook my head hopelessly.

“There’s not, she ended it, she doesn’t want me,” I lamented, tears pricking the back of my eyes. She smiled, coming to stand before me.

“She does. Trust me.”

I shrugged, looking at the floor. She patted my cheek, lifting my head to look at her.

“I’m so sorry, Olivia.”

“It’s alright, Finny. You’re too young for me anyways,” she sighed with a wink. I breathed out a short laugh, pulling her in for a hug.

“Want me to call you a cab?”

I shook my head.

“Naw, it’s a good night for a walk. Clear my head,” I answered. She walked me to the door where I grabbed my jacket from the floor and pulled it on.

“Go figure it out, Finn. I’m sure things will work out,” she declared. I nodded with a smile.

“Thanks, Liv.”

*

I headed towards the chippy, not quite ready to go find Rae just yet. As much as I wanted to believe Rae could want me back, I couldn’t make that assumption when she’d been the one to break things off. And what the fuck was going on with her and Liam? No, I couldn’t figure everything out tonight. But I would soon.

It felt like destiny or fate had pushed me to finally break things off with Olivia. Yea, it wasn’t the traditional, “It’s over,” but it did the job without much fallout. Maybe destiny made all of this happen, just all this bullshit for the light at the end of the tunnel. The bright side was almost here. I could feel it.


End file.
